gotta be free

self-hatred comes up.

uncontrollably.

why?

whenever.
wherever.

no matter what i'm doing.
no matter how i'm feeling.

suddenly interrupts everything.
and overwhelms me.
occupies my thought.
i'm uncontrollable.

but i know.
i'm the one who makes me uncontrollable.

gotta be free.
can't escape.

so tired of me .
i don't love me.
i've never loved me.
and i won't.

2 conflicting personalities.
one hates this life,
the other loves it so much.
one denies everything,
the other wants to accept everything as they are.

love. hatred.
acceptance. rejection.
freedom. restriction.

i'm running on the moebius strip.

wanna see the end.